I've been pondering why I have been feeling so restless and frustrated these days. I live in a beautiful place - for all it's strangeness, and while job hunting and depleted funds are frustrating I do have a fair bit of freedom. So why is it that I feel so blah about everything?
So in a fit of the dull-drums the other day I started going through all of my old travel photography from my years past. Those years right before I invested in my starter camera and after. The years where there was money to spend and miles to re-deem on my constant quest for adventures and that's when it dawned on me.....
I am 100% going through travel withdrawal. I mean as fun as the past few trips up to New Jersey and Philadelphia were (my old homes) they are not quite the adventure and exploratory travel I love and was spoiled and lucky enough to do a bit of for a few years before that pesky economy bungled everything up for me.
These photographs of Bali made me recall that 2 week adventure a few years back (oh it seems like a lifetime) where I was searching for some kind of revelation about my life. I was exploring and shooting for the love of it - if I am honest with myself it was then on that trip I realized that travel and photography was what my heart desired more then anything. Of course I had a business back home to run - and eventually lose, so it was a good year or more before I was able to even entertain my "silly dream" of traveling the world and shooting pictures as a lifestyle.
How I wish I could go back with a better camera (well in that respect how I wish I could afford to buy a better camera). I didn't even graze the surface of the beauty there to be photographed. The techniques I have learned since then - how much more I have and want to learn.....
For now though I must find a way to be content here in the place that I am with my family around me, even though I feel like the "odd-man out" as I seem to be the true restless soul born into my brood. Different - a little like this baby monkey who doesn't look like the rest of it's family. I wonder why it is that some of us are born so restless ......
Until I can find a way to continue to travel and take pictures - and ideally get paid to do so - I must stay in place and find a way to be content.
And, I suppose, take my camera out more in my new environment and consider it an adventure!
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