Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Royal Tantrums

July 22nd, 2013.  A few newsworthy events

We had another Super Moon.  It was national Rat catchers day, and that is a career choice that gets very few accolades I am sure.  Here in Florida we had an entire day without rain.

Of course all the news of the day was eclipsed by the "Big One". The world's most famous baby was born in London. If you have no idea what I am talking about the only plausible explanation could be that your DSL, Cable AND cell phone service was down. Or you are in a jungle somewhere, although you probably could still log onto Facebook.  I never turned on my computer but I heard about it.  It was hard not to. Prince (he who shall not be named in public yet) welcome to a world of privilege and infamy very few people on the planet will ever know, oh and SMILE you will be growing up on TV, the internet and in every magazine imaginable. In short a fishbowl.  A royal one, but a fishbowl none-the less.  Poor kid.

Personally I am waiting for the little tykes official (buckingham palace moderated of course) Twitter account to start rolling out. God forbid we miss an announcement about what color his poo is. I wonder if his nappies will be royal issued, or from Tesco.  I'm going to split the difference and say Mark and Spencers or Harrods at the very least. If Harrod's doesn't carry nappies yet sure as shite they will carry them now!

I jest, because this is actually NOT a post about hating on the wee royal lass, not at all. The contrary in fact!  A baby is a baby.  They are a blessing, a joy and an occasional anxiety inducing nightmare all rolled into one!  And when they giggle, if your heart doesn't melt you don't have one.  The Prince and the Duchess have a long incredible journey in front of them and no matter how many nannies they have, they will be sleep deprived, exhausted, scared and deliriously happy as many new parents are You can't help where and to who you are born to to little prince, but Prince William and Duchess Kate seem to be very level headed genuine and down to earth people, for royalty.  They are the modern day monarchs and I am sure will raise a very solid, grounded little person and future leader. I truly wish them well. I have never had the "magical joy" of giving birth but I am blessed that I am able to help raise my niece and nephew.  Who knows?  I may have more nieces and nephews in the future - and being a Zia is pretty amazing.

Here in this household of everyday average poopy diapers from Publix, the LittleDude and LadyBug are doing everything a 21 and 9 month old should be doing.  Acting like children all over the world.  This is my sincere hope.

You see these angels?

Well recently Prince LittleDude has been going from Angel to Devil's spawn in the blink of an eye.  I mean serious knock down, thrashing on the floor, hitting, kicking, slapping screaming until red in the face tantrums that half the time we can find zero rhyme or reason to.  Oh and the cherry on top? He no longer wants to go to sleep. Or stay asleep. Period.

Goodbye child modeling career.  Oh and Money see Monkey do.  Princess LadyBug is become one tough ass little miss. Good news, she isn't letting ANYONE, including a big temperamental brother push her around. She is happy, determined and loves to smile and giggle, but takes shit from NO ONE.  This could be very good or very bad for us as she hits toddlerhood, but only time will tell.

Sis found a hilarious article about 46  reasons a 3 year old might be having a meltdown. Check it out here.

Funny, facetious and terribly terribly true.  After laughing we have both been looking for answers on the internet and have read a lot about why this is happening, his stage of development and frustration, being overwhelmed and unable to express himself in any other way then throwing something across the room.  On one hand I feel better, his behaviors and entry into the "Terrible Two's" is completely normal. On the other hand by the end of a day with 2 dozen tantrums behind us and 30 mins (on a good night) of screaming instead of going to bed ahead of us - Zia generally pours herself a big glass of "today is almost over, I can make it through the rest"...otherwise known as wine.

It's sis I feel sorry for, the only way to get him to sleep is for her to bring him into her bed, a habit she (and I ) are scared to create - but the alternative is having the condo board kick us out for excessive noise violations. So she gets more sleep deprivation minus the wine. She has it rough, but in fairness I do cook incredible meals for them daily (more on that in another post), and we are all in this together as a household.

If you can believe it LadyBug sleeps right through it in the crib right next to him. 

For now.

Someday not in the very far future the royal baby who is 3rd in line to the monarchy of the United Kingdom, will most likely throw a royal tantrum - or 12 - at a royal family event. It could be in front of dignitaries from around the world, or just the Queen mum, but it will happen, because royal, or not every kid goes through it, can't be trained not to and thats a fact.

It's only fair right?  

I just hope they Tweet about it.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Eye Spy

Well truth be told I don't spy very much with my little eye these days and I am getting increasingly frustrated.

I am a writer.  I am a photographer.  Ok so I am clearly not a professional at either and lord knows I haven't been paid all that much in my life to do either...yet, but I worry about my ability to do either one anymore.

If. I. Can't. SEE!

Ok - so there are a few things going on here. First off, I have been wearing glasses since I was in the 2nd grade - and yes let me tell you how much fun THAT was. Little kids are mean therefore awkward, slightly pudgy girls wearing hot pink clear Lucite glasses in the 2nd grade (at least I was fashion forward) get teased a lot.  It sucked, but I only had to wear them for reading the chalkboard not on the playground, I got taller, I got thinner and more of my friends had to start wearing them so it all evened out in the end.

Highschool, ahhh it was the late 80's.  The era of BIG!  Shoulder pads; I have naturally strong wide shoulders - the mother will relay the epic story of her trying to birth them if you like. Big Hair; at the time I had a LOT of curly hair and my Guido ( I can use that term as I am one as well) hairdresser convinced me to get a perm - good lord you could see my hair coming from down the street, and BIG accessories, including glasses. The 80's fashion was NOT a good look for me.

Sometimes I wish I had saved the frames from that era - but I trashed them in a fit sometime in the 90's after looking at photos from high school.

In high school I played sports so glasses were difficult, particularly when the coaches realized I had one very badly nearsighted eye and one slightly far sighted eye. As it turns out that can really effect your depth perception, therefore effecting my ability to see lacrosse balls being thrown at my head, which is how I tended to "catch" them.  A disastrous fitting for hard contact lenses - the only kind available at the time for people with astigmatism - yeah because I needed that additional issue - meant no Varsity sports for me.  I actually spent HS and College labeling myself as un-athletic, until I moved to LA and tried different sports and found that I am indeed a very athletic person, I was just playing and participating in the wrong kinds, and then once I discovered Yoga, my balance issues worked themselves out as well.  I am  still pretty athletic, just no sports with balls flying to my head that I need to catch. Still a problem.

In my 20's and 30's I kinda got into my glasses, as the right frames were chic.  So, I became a frame whore.  I have always had a thing for designer eyewear.  I actually just dug through my box of glasses that I could find and came up with the photo below.

Yup.  Burberry, Gucci, Coach, Kate Spade, Versace, Prada, Marc Jacobs, Ted Baker etc..and these are just the ones I can find!  I know I have glasses floating around boxes in storage and purses.  It's terrible, but in my defense I came by it genetically.  When my Gram passed a little over a year ago we found a ridiculous amount of frames from all different era;'s! Vintage!  There are worse addictions to have. I think I have more glasses and sunglasses then shoes!  But I take care of them and someday will have amassed a grand collection of what will then be vintage frames for my niece to play with.

Ok so what is the point now you may be asking, if you have read this far.  Well, age and my wonky eye are getting the better of me. And it sucks

A few weeks ago I started having these incidences where while trying to read my iPhone, or a magazine etc my vision would blur out, badly.  I started wearing my glasses more, even though after wearing them all day at work I would have a monster headache by 4pm daily.  The blurring problem, kept happening, then it started happening when I was looking at - well life.  Anything around me. I had gotten used to having a slightly softened, blurry around the edges view of the world, not that bad really.  Listen some things, you just don't WANT to see all that clearly.  I could totally relate to a recent rerun of Will and Grace the other morning, when Karen puts on glasses can see for the first time and freaks out screaming about the "devil lenses" Jack made her put on after looking in the mirror.  Who needs that? Soft and fuzzy but able to see was working out great, well except for the headaches.

I was actually pretty lucky, I could see well enough to drive (for the most part), see around me, read for short periods of time, at least I could read instructions, and my iPhone etc.  I got used to my eyes being tired at night and the blurring that would happen when I tried to read a magazine in the tub.  Ok now that I think about it the blurring HAD in fact been happening for about a year - but at times that made sense to me.  Not walking out on my porch and tripping because I could't see something on the ground in front of me. I started to get freaked and my migraines were worse so even without insurance, the mother shipped me off to her eye doctor last week. Thank. GOD!

Dr. Jason Schwartz in Fort Lauderdale is AWESOME!  Understanding, sympathetic (not expensive) and was BAFFLED It had taken me so long to come in!  As it turns out the human brain can supposedly only take the strain of a 2.5% (whatever they use to measure) difference in the eyes.  Most people have trouble with both eyes and their prescriptions balance them out.  My trouble is only in my Right eye - and he said the difference between my 2 eyes?


Yeah I'm not a Dr. but mother has married enough of them for me to know to say "um, thats bad right?" His response, "yes, that's pretty bad". Oh and bonus, my right eye has now progressed so badly, new glasses could sorta maybe help my vision, but most likely won't help my headaches, blurriness and other things that could start happening as my brain says "ENOUGH girl!  Can't do it anymore!  Do we need to have you start walking into walls and doors you can't see for you to get it?" It was getting there and fast.

Good news is - magical Lasik can fix it! Bad news, did I mention the no insurance thing? Ok, next step - he thought contacts may be able to offer me some help in the meantime.  I said "Great, lets pop those babies in!"  His response 'Oh no with your eye issue we need to special order, we don't keep them in stock, we don't see your particular problem very often". This being the retirement capital of the world and they don't see my eye problem often?  Spectacular.

So today was the day!  All excited I went in to try my new lenses.  Cut to 2 hours, 5 different types and prescriptions, (he went to stock when the "special" ones were driving me batshit) and my eyes feeling like I was in a fight or have been crying for 4 days, and guess what?

I still can't see.

In fact its worse, sorta. I just stood up and looked across the room at the mirror I could normally see myself perfectly (softly) well in.  Nope.  Just a blurry mess.

 It appears I have 2 options.  Contacts that will allow me to read easier (iPhone, iPad, Computer etc) or ones where i can see distance.  I chose reading and have discovered the following:

1. I can't see very well when I drive anymore - which makes me fit right into a certain demographic of shitty drivers in Florida.
2. I can't see very well just walking around.  My vision needs to "focus" for a micro second - enough time to make me slightly dizzy.
3. I can't read small print, like for example the writing on my new contacts solution bottle which gives the directions for use.  Yeah - helpful.  I can read it WITHOUT my new contacts - but not with them in because THAT makes sense.
4. I am actually having trouble reading this as I type it.

So far this experiment is not working and I keep reaching for my glasses only to remember the blinding almost seizure result from when I put them on while wearing these lenses.   I tried to go back to proofread this blog my eyes hurt so much it's not worth it, so it is what it is.

Next week we try the ones where I can see in life but not so well to read.

I can't wait.