Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Eye Spy

Well truth be told I don't spy very much with my little eye these days and I am getting increasingly frustrated.

I am a writer.  I am a photographer.  Ok so I am clearly not a professional at either and lord knows I haven't been paid all that much in my life to do either...yet, but I worry about my ability to do either one anymore.

If. I. Can't. SEE!

Ok - so there are a few things going on here. First off, I have been wearing glasses since I was in the 2nd grade - and yes let me tell you how much fun THAT was. Little kids are mean therefore awkward, slightly pudgy girls wearing hot pink clear Lucite glasses in the 2nd grade (at least I was fashion forward) get teased a lot.  It sucked, but I only had to wear them for reading the chalkboard not on the playground, I got taller, I got thinner and more of my friends had to start wearing them so it all evened out in the end.

Highschool, ahhh it was the late 80's.  The era of BIG!  Shoulder pads; I have naturally strong wide shoulders - the mother will relay the epic story of her trying to birth them if you like. Big Hair; at the time I had a LOT of curly hair and my Guido ( I can use that term as I am one as well) hairdresser convinced me to get a perm - good lord you could see my hair coming from down the street, and BIG accessories, including glasses. The 80's fashion was NOT a good look for me.

Sometimes I wish I had saved the frames from that era - but I trashed them in a fit sometime in the 90's after looking at photos from high school.

In high school I played sports so glasses were difficult, particularly when the coaches realized I had one very badly nearsighted eye and one slightly far sighted eye. As it turns out that can really effect your depth perception, therefore effecting my ability to see lacrosse balls being thrown at my head, which is how I tended to "catch" them.  A disastrous fitting for hard contact lenses - the only kind available at the time for people with astigmatism - yeah because I needed that additional issue - meant no Varsity sports for me.  I actually spent HS and College labeling myself as un-athletic, until I moved to LA and tried different sports and found that I am indeed a very athletic person, I was just playing and participating in the wrong kinds, and then once I discovered Yoga, my balance issues worked themselves out as well.  I am  still pretty athletic, just no sports with balls flying to my head that I need to catch. Still a problem.

In my 20's and 30's I kinda got into my glasses, as the right frames were chic.  So, I became a frame whore.  I have always had a thing for designer eyewear.  I actually just dug through my box of glasses that I could find and came up with the photo below.

Yup.  Burberry, Gucci, Coach, Kate Spade, Versace, Prada, Marc Jacobs, Ted Baker etc..and these are just the ones I can find!  I know I have glasses floating around boxes in storage and purses.  It's terrible, but in my defense I came by it genetically.  When my Gram passed a little over a year ago we found a ridiculous amount of frames from all different era;'s! Vintage!  There are worse addictions to have. I think I have more glasses and sunglasses then shoes!  But I take care of them and someday will have amassed a grand collection of what will then be vintage frames for my niece to play with.

Ok so what is the point now you may be asking, if you have read this far.  Well, age and my wonky eye are getting the better of me. And it sucks

A few weeks ago I started having these incidences where while trying to read my iPhone, or a magazine etc my vision would blur out, badly.  I started wearing my glasses more, even though after wearing them all day at work I would have a monster headache by 4pm daily.  The blurring problem, kept happening, then it started happening when I was looking at - well life.  Anything around me. I had gotten used to having a slightly softened, blurry around the edges view of the world, not that bad really.  Listen some things, you just don't WANT to see all that clearly.  I could totally relate to a recent rerun of Will and Grace the other morning, when Karen puts on glasses can see for the first time and freaks out screaming about the "devil lenses" Jack made her put on after looking in the mirror.  Who needs that? Soft and fuzzy but able to see was working out great, well except for the headaches.

I was actually pretty lucky, I could see well enough to drive (for the most part), see around me, read for short periods of time, at least I could read instructions, and my iPhone etc.  I got used to my eyes being tired at night and the blurring that would happen when I tried to read a magazine in the tub.  Ok now that I think about it the blurring HAD in fact been happening for about a year - but at times that made sense to me.  Not walking out on my porch and tripping because I could't see something on the ground in front of me. I started to get freaked and my migraines were worse so even without insurance, the mother shipped me off to her eye doctor last week. Thank. GOD!

Dr. Jason Schwartz in Fort Lauderdale is AWESOME!  Understanding, sympathetic (not expensive) and was BAFFLED It had taken me so long to come in!  As it turns out the human brain can supposedly only take the strain of a 2.5% (whatever they use to measure) difference in the eyes.  Most people have trouble with both eyes and their prescriptions balance them out.  My trouble is only in my Right eye - and he said the difference between my 2 eyes?


Yeah I'm not a Dr. but mother has married enough of them for me to know to say "um, thats bad right?" His response, "yes, that's pretty bad". Oh and bonus, my right eye has now progressed so badly, new glasses could sorta maybe help my vision, but most likely won't help my headaches, blurriness and other things that could start happening as my brain says "ENOUGH girl!  Can't do it anymore!  Do we need to have you start walking into walls and doors you can't see for you to get it?" It was getting there and fast.

Good news is - magical Lasik can fix it! Bad news, did I mention the no insurance thing? Ok, next step - he thought contacts may be able to offer me some help in the meantime.  I said "Great, lets pop those babies in!"  His response 'Oh no with your eye issue we need to special order, we don't keep them in stock, we don't see your particular problem very often". This being the retirement capital of the world and they don't see my eye problem often?  Spectacular.

So today was the day!  All excited I went in to try my new lenses.  Cut to 2 hours, 5 different types and prescriptions, (he went to stock when the "special" ones were driving me batshit) and my eyes feeling like I was in a fight or have been crying for 4 days, and guess what?

I still can't see.

In fact its worse, sorta. I just stood up and looked across the room at the mirror I could normally see myself perfectly (softly) well in.  Nope.  Just a blurry mess.

 It appears I have 2 options.  Contacts that will allow me to read easier (iPhone, iPad, Computer etc) or ones where i can see distance.  I chose reading and have discovered the following:

1. I can't see very well when I drive anymore - which makes me fit right into a certain demographic of shitty drivers in Florida.
2. I can't see very well just walking around.  My vision needs to "focus" for a micro second - enough time to make me slightly dizzy.
3. I can't read small print, like for example the writing on my new contacts solution bottle which gives the directions for use.  Yeah - helpful.  I can read it WITHOUT my new contacts - but not with them in because THAT makes sense.
4. I am actually having trouble reading this as I type it.

So far this experiment is not working and I keep reaching for my glasses only to remember the blinding almost seizure result from when I put them on while wearing these lenses.   I tried to go back to proofread this blog my eyes hurt so much it's not worth it, so it is what it is.

Next week we try the ones where I can see in life but not so well to read.

I can't wait.


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